What you are about to read is a real life [via internet messenger] conversation between myself and my two sisters: Jules and Little G. [And yes, the misspelling of 'sisterhooe' is intentional - a grammatical error I made that the other 2/3 of the sisterhood refuse to allow me to erase or correct].
. . . . . . . . .
Morticia: Hello – is anybody there?
Jules: Here I am. Where’s G? Maybe she is still cleaning up after killing Tim & the kids
Little G: Just got done
Jules: We’re willing to hide the body if necessary – Morticia has a plan
Morticia: I even have alternate plans, like a good girl scout
Jules: We’re waiting to hear them
Morticia: Plan A involves solvent
Morticia: Plan B involves flames
Morticia: Plan C involves an everyday shovel and little piles of dirt …
Jules: We could vote on them, though it might be too close to call
Little G: Do any of your plans involve a new niece or nephew?
Jules: WHAT? SAY THAT AGAIN!!
Morticia: Which niece or nephew
Morticia: Say what again?!
Morticia: SOMEBODY BETTER START TYPING
Little G: Do you want a niece or nephew? A NEW one?
Morticia: A NEW ONE?!
Morticia: Are you
Morticia: Could you be
Morticia: I can’t type the words
Little G: Yes a new one
Morticia: I think I just fainted – nope, I’m still upright at the keyboard
Little G: Jules just got kicked offline … maybe the shock was too much
Morticia: What will we name him or her?
Jules: I WAS KICKED OFF AT A VERY CRUCIAL MOMENT!!
Morticia: G is having Baby # 5 … five
Jules: IT’S TRUE THEN?
Morticia: When are you due?
Little G: I thought the news threw you offline!
Jules: OH G – YOU DON’T HAVE TO POPULATE THE WHOLE EARTH ON YOUR OWN!
Morticia: G, honey, do you want me to have that ol’ Birds and the Bees talk with you one more time?
Jules: YOU’RE KIDDING??
Little G: Jules, do you have to type so big?
Jules: NO. I WAS JUST PANICKED
Morticia: Okay. Just the facts now.
Little G: That’s better
Jules: FACTS – YES
Little G: I’m not sure
Jules: Maybe baby?
Morticia: Explain not sure
Little G: For sure baby
Little G: Not for sure when
Little G: Maybe June or July
Jules: Oh please, can we name her Ginger, so her name will be Ginger Snapp?
Little G: NO
Jules: What do they call women who use the rhythm method? Answer: Mommy!!
Little G: Thanks Jules. The positive thing is that the one Dr. I really wanted was not taking new patients, except OB patients so now I can see him
Jules: Did you get pregnant just so you could have the good dr?
Little G: NO
Jules: What a great ploy
Little G: I would not go that far
Morticia: I wouldn’t go that far either! I would be far more interested in choosing who to co-create my baby with than who will be delivering it!
Jules: I always go too far
Morticia:It’s okay – sometimes we go along for the ride and sometimes we pull you back. It’s all good!
Little G: SO, where are you guys going to move up here? I have been waiting.
Jules: Can we pool our resources and get a huge house in the woods?
Jules: Resources… ha ha ha
Morticia: To be fair, we need to find a central point, calculate out the distance between Us and You and divide it by half, mark it with an “X” and begin building the Sisterhooe Commune with our colossal resources (quit laughing)
Jules: I’m in – wait until I finish school and if I’m not working a coffee shop, I’ll have better resources
Morticia: What would I do for a living up there? Remember, I am the sister who shunned college.
Jules: Do the funeral director thing – they need those everywhere
Morticia: My, my, it is so lovely to have such a pliable, lady-like trade!
Jules: You’ve got the brains though and sometimes that’s all you need
Morticia:College be darned, then! I will fully succumb to my alter ego, Morticia, Mortician Extraordinaire on the West Coast. My motto: a burial a day, that’s all we ask! (you know, like the almond growers)
Jules: G, you can bring your whole brood and we’ll manage
Morticia: Well, Gina may have a brood of five, but I am still neurotic about my shriveled ovary, so I might be a little moody!
Jules: But at least your horse hasn’t died yet
Morticia: What horse?
Little G: What shriveled ovary?
Morticia:Is the horse I rode in on dead?? How like me not to notice!
Jules: Crimes Of The Heart, G.
Morticia: The movie about three sisters in which the Diane Keaton character was the unmarried older sister with angst over her shriveled ovary.
Jules: And her horse was taken care of by Doc – you do remember Doc, don’t you? Well, our hour is up, damn it.
Morticia: Sisterhooe #1 signing out with love and mushy stuff all around
Little G: Goodnight! Sisterhooe # 3 is out
Morticia: Sleep Sweet
Jules:You are a damn funny chick, Miss Morticia.
Morticia: Love you – happy to make you smile!
Jules: Sisterhooe #2 lovingly over and out
Sweet Dreams To All …